I used to feel a bit of shame about how responsible I was…weird, I know. But I was certain that paying bills on time and getting annual physicals made me a square and I wanted to be seen as rebellious and cool. I thought that doing my laundry weekly and making my bed every day surely meant I was uptight and no fun. Fun people weren’t making their beds.

Of course, this is all bullshit. Anxiously needing everything to be controlled and perfect, definitely not a lot of fun. But being responsible because on some level I’ve always known that it actually gives me FREEDOM? That’s very sexy.

In case you missed it, being responsible grants you freedom. I can’t tell you how many friends I know who wait until they get a ticket to register their car, delay getting the weird mole checked out and instead lose sleep worrying they have cancer, allow their homes to collect dust and clutter until they’re too embarrassed to have anyone over or lose every nice thing they buy for themselves, which slowly erodes their self-esteem and bank account.

You know why else it’s sexy to be responsible?

Responsibility is an act of plugging up energy leaks. It’s saying, I’m going to take care of this now, so I don’t use up brain space on it any longer. I’m going to handle this now, before it’s a much more serious and expensive problem.

The result? You sleep sounder. You’d be amazed how much background anxiety you’re creating with the list of unaddressed important things a part of your brain is always subconsciously tracking. Clear that energetic baggage OUT.

Responsibility is also very fucking sexy because it means we aren’t making our significant others our mommy or daddy, which means we’re having much better sex. Really, truly, trust me.

So why do we put off getting our teeth cleaned, the oil changed, our taxes filed, or whatever else the thing is? The same reason we avoid anything—fear. It’s procrastination, yes, but not out of laziness. We avoid doing things we think will be hard, that we might fail at, or that we won’t enjoy.

And while you may never loooove going to the dentist, you do love saving thousands in dental bills, and I know you love freeing up the brain space that is currently occupied by a little shamey voice saying “you still haven’t done it”.

What now:

Find some kinky pleasure in responsible adulting. Paying bills, filing taxes, getting an oil change— all opportunities to congratulate yourself on being a badass independent adult what takes care of business. Plus, doing these things means you CAN, and that is actually a privilege. You have the money to pay parking tickets, that puts you in the top 1% of the world’s earners. BADASS.

Focus on the energy leak you are plugging.

Allow yourself to cross the item off the list or check the box so you remember to feel the satisfaction of completing the thing. You have just wiped something off your hard drive which means more brain space for daydreaming about romantic getaways or dessert. Also, one less thing weighing you down, let those shoulders drop.

Reward yourself.

You might need some motivation in the form of rewards for doing adulting that you really loathe. Plan a date at a new restaurant, bake yourself some brownies, or pamper yourself with a massage as a reward for getting your taxes filed (or whatever the thing is). It helps to know you have pleasure just on the other side of the temporary discomfort of the task at hand.

Ask for help.

Hire someone to help you clean out the garage, find a friend to drive you to colonoscopy, and call your dad for help on the house refinance. It’s OKAY to ask for help, and in doing so we not only lighten the load, we have accountability to follow through. If you’re avoiding something, ask yourself how it can be easier. Often, it’s outsourcing parts of the project to a professional, or accepting that if it’s left up to you, it will never get done and hiring someone else entirely to handle it. Not everything falls into the category of “can be hired out”, and for the things that cannot, the buddy system works great. If bringing a friend is also not an option, refer back to #3, and create a big juicy reward for yourself.