There’s a part of me that is perpetually heartbroken.

I’m broken-hearted before you have a chance to leave, before I have a chance to get bored, before you disappoint me, before I disappoint you.

I am broken-hearted before I ever give enough of my heart away to have it dropped or neglected, before you have a chance to see me tumble off the pedestal you put me on.

I am broken-hearted by my and your limitations in love.

I am broken-hearted by the childhood wounds whose scars will color our fights,

the way we will keep old pains alive by bringing them into our relationship, no matter how much we both try not to.

It hurts me to know I’ll max out my capacity for compassion in moments and I’ll resent you, that you’ll misunderstand me and feel trapped.

I ache in anticipation of the comedown when the honeymoon phase ends and we’re both grappling with our choice to commit to this imperfect human and all their karma in a world of endless choices.

My heart breaks for the ways in which you won’t feel free in love, and I won’t feel free in love. For the ways we will unconsciously hurt each other and how sometimes we won’t repair it fully.

I am broken-hearted before I ever feel unmet, knowing it’s coming, and before you ever feel unappreciated or not enough, knowing it’s coming.

I am heartbroken even while I am high on joy, and attraction, and deep connection, knowing this too is impermanent and can’t be forever.

And I am broken-hearted knowing that no amount of optimism, effort, or good intentions will make any of this less true.

and I choose in again and again, anyways.

Broken-open-heart.

Your heartbreak is the entry point, not a barrier.

Teaching you how to alchemize the most tender parts of your past into a radiant, magnetic yes to love and life in Becoming the Muse, a 6-month journey for women wanting deeper love.