You clean up after him, schedule his appointments, and nag him about his diet.
You listen patiently to him vent day in and out about the same problems, in which he is always the victim.

Sounds innocent enough, but you’ve crossed into mommy territory. And if you’re mommy, he becomes the child.

Not hot.

You are not going to want to have sexy time with someone you’re parenting.

And most women either:

1. Blame themselves when their libido disappears, or
2. Wait for him to finally act like a grown man while resentment builds.

But here’s the bummer… he won’t– not while you keep over-functioning, criticizing, and closing your heart to him as punishment.

The good news? There’s a better way (you saw this coming).

One that starts with seeing what you’re getting out of this dynamic: control, the security of being needed, predictability…(remember you love me cause I’m gonna tell you the truth), and building your capacity to step out of it.

It means cleaning up your boundaries with yourself, shifting how you perceive men, and learning to invite and inspire change, rather than demand it.

I had to grieve when I first saw my own pattern in this.

I grew up watching the women around me treat their husbands like kids. I just thought that’s how it was, not realizing this meant I was unconsciously viewing men as slower, oblivious, less capable, emotionally-stunted women. Ouch.

Your partner is never going to be inspired to change when you’re looking at them through this lens. But once I got it… and I got over the ego-death of it…everything changed. And it can for you too.

You’re not broken, but your relationship programming might be,

Caite