My assistant messaged me this morning letting me know there were clean sheets on my bed and I instantly flashed back to last night when I dug through my lingerie drawer to find a vibrator I hoped still had some battery charge.
Ashley definitely found that in the sheets đ
I vividly remember ordering my first vibrator as a freshman in the dorms and it accidentally shipping to my parents house. My mom brought the box with her on a visit, and it was opened. I was mortified.
I asked my mom about it last year and she had no memory of it, shrugged and said âmust have been your dad.â
Ironically, my dad was the more sex positive of my parents and I felt relieved.
Many boyfriends and girlfriends have laid on or in my bed and rolled over onto something that started buzzing.
By my mid-20s I was over any shame around self-pleasure and even enjoyed the moments I could flaunt my âvery cool about vibratorsâ attitude. Because, feminism.
In my 30s I’ve been a slow sex journey. This is a deeper exploration around orgasm, which has meant minimal motorized devices.
Like most things, I canât make a one-size-fits-all recommendation.
Frequent vibrator use may habituate your nerve endings to a certain intensity of stimulation thatâs difficult to replicate without a motor.
In my personal experience, my pleasure sensitivity increased when I stopped using vibrators.
On the other hand, the last thing I want to do is shame or make wrong any safe way that you experience pleasure and reach climax. O’s are so good for womenâs health!
Interestingly, the shame that bubbled up for me with my assistant finding the vibrator was because I donât want to promote fast-food orgasms.
I see so much value in making time to take your time with yourself (or a partner), to really warm up first, and to have the deeper experience. Vibrators can make us a bit lazy because we bypass all that.
Learning how to turn yourself on with your own hands, your breath, and your own erotic energy is a skill that is only developed with practice.
Chemically speaking this leads to lots more oxytocin and a less dramatic dopamine dump. This means more stress relief and love-feelings, and less of that post-climax crash that feels a bit like sugar binge crash.
Dopamine is a reward chemical that is the juice behind our addictive tendencies. Think porn, mindless clitoral Os, gambling, social media, alcohol, nicotine, opiates, amphetamines, etc.
So should you go acoustic or electric? I’d reflect on the intention. Escapism? Numbing? Intimacy with self? Intimacy with eros? Pleasure as nourishment? No shame in any one of those intentions.
Whatever you choose, enjoy it fully,
-Caite
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